“President Obama and the first lady say they will not be exchanging gifts this Christmas. Mrs. Obama says they used to, but she got tired of Barack promising big things and not delivering.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Obamas also said on that Christmas Eve they will leave milk and cookies in the yellow room for Santa. And today, Glenn Beck accused them of trying to bribe a foreign dignitary.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Some people are upset about President Obama’s prime time speech tonight because it bumped ABC’s airing of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas,’ or as Fox News reported it, ‘Obama ruins Christmas for a depressed bald kid.'” – Conan O’Brien
“We’re talking about Sarah Palin, who has a brand new Christmas album. It’s entitled ‘I Can See Bethlehem From My House.'” – David Letterman
“Because it’s the holiday travel season and everyone is on edge, when the TSA agents have their hands in your pants, don’t be surprised if they leave a candy cane.” – David Letterman
“Several TSA officers have formed a holiday choir at the Los Angeles International Airport. Which, of course, answers the question: How can going through airport security possibly get any worse?” – Jimmy Fallon
“A Senator from Oklahoma says he won’t participate in his state’s holiday parade unless they put Christ back in the title. So get ready for this year’s ‘Christ, It’s Cold Out Parade.'” – Conan O’Brien
