“President Obama and the first lady say they will not be exchanging gifts this Christmas. Mrs. Obama says they used to, but she got tired of Barack promising big things and not delivering.” – Conan O’Brien… Read more
“A theater in Chicago is staging a version of Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” where the actors are all Klingons. It honors the true meaning of Christmas, since the audience is full of virgins.” – Conan O’Brien… Read more
“It’s starting to get Christmassy around here. The fake wreaths are hanging. The lattes at Starbucks are spiced. The holidays are upon us and won’t get off us.” –Jimmy Kimmel… Read more
“In fact, Santa isn’t even an American. I have news for you. The real Santa is Chinese. You think elves are the ones making that plastic crap we give our kids? No. Chinese people are.” – Jimmy Kimmel… Read more
“According to a new poll, most Americans think Santa Claus is a Democrat – which is really odd because when I think of a fat, old white man who hires unskilled labor, I think Republican.” – Conan O’Brien… Read more
“Americans say they are planning to do a lot of their holiday shopping this year at warehouse stores like Costco. Because, folks, nothing says Merry Christmas like 90 rolls of toilet paper.” – Conan O’Brien… Read more
It’s another classic marriage joke. Enjoy!