Professional Comedians Joke About Christmas & Politics

Professional Comedians Joke About Christmas & Politics

“According to a new poll, most Americans think Santa Claus is a Democrat – which is really odd because when I think of a fat, old white man who hires unskilled labor, I think Republican.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today, President Obama announced that he’s giving all federal employees Christmas Eve off. And when Joe Biden heard that he was like, ‘But not Santa, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It’s all part of their ‘For the last time, we’re not Muslim’ campaign.” – Conan O’Brien

“Christmas is just around the corner. It’s just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.” -vDavid Letterman

“Then they start decorating the tree with a beautiful array of Christmas lights and on the very top they put a tiny little Mayor Bloomberg. In fact, it actually is Mayor Bloomberg.” – David Letterman

“Every year Americans spend millions of dollars on Christmas gifts for their pets, which makes no sense to me. Your pet doesn’t know it’s Christmas. In fact, your pet doesn’t even know it’s a pet, so giving your cat a sweater is about as useful as giving your microwave a hat.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Christmas is less than two weeks away. I do most of my shopping online. But I hire someone to honk and scream obscenities at me while I’m doing it so I get the whole holiday shopping experience.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions. ” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Rockefeller Center’s Christmas tree is being put in place this afternoon. They bring it in and hoist it with a crane and steel cables. It’s the same way they get Chris Christie into his pants.” – David Letterman

“Some people said, ‘Oh, Santa’s a Democrat because he gives handouts,’ and other people said, ‘He’s a Republican because he’s an old white guy.”” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The fact of the matter is Santa isn’t a Democrat or a Republican. In fact, Santa isn’t even an American. I have news for you. The real Santa is Chinese. You think elves are the ones making that plastic crap we give our kids? No. Chinese people are.” – Jimmy Kimmel

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *